The good, the bad, and the ugly

We are holding on tight to all the positive news regarding her cancers response to the chemo so far as it makes being hospitalized suddenly more tolerable when we know that getting better goes hand in hand with many unfortunate side effects. We were admitted late last night as she spiked a fever and had felt pretty bad most of the day Memorial Day. Although we still aren't sure, there is some evidence that she may be experiencing one of the more unpleasant side effects of high dose chemo, Mucositis. This painful inflammation of the digestive system can occur anywhere along her digestive tract.  She has complained her mouth and bottom hurt:( We can't see ulcers yet but often they are felt before they are seen and we are afraid this is the culprit. This is a common side effect though and the pain can be managed until it clears up. The doctors have said that since her white cell count is currently low, once those counts go back up in the next couple days, we could see a rapid improvement and an appetite return without the need for a feeding tube or other interventions.

The good: her scans show the cancer is being killed! Her MIBG results, just in, mirror what the CT scan and bone marrow biopsy demonstrated: the tumor is shriveling up and dying, it's progress halted, and surgery is becoming possible!

The bad: There is a cost associated with killing this cancer, and unfortunately Charlotte's healthy cells  are the price she pays. Other rapidly dividing cell in her body, beside cancer cells, are targeted during chemo. And the cells that line her mouth, throat, gut etc can be harmed causing this effect we are seeing. But if the side effects we find are manageable non life threatening issues like nausea, hair loss, mucositis and the like...then we will handle it in stride knowing these are all parts of Charlotte's battle to get better. And most battles in this life cause temporary wounds and scars. We can shift her attention and treat her discomforts until her body is back to being able to fight these symptoms.

The ugly: Seeing her scans caused us to relive the horrific visual we saw during her diagnosis. Comparing her before and after is somewhat positive because we can see the improvement, but tremendously painful to see what is still inside our baby girl. We have such a long road but we can do this. We have another round of chemo beginning June 10. Then it looks like the surgery to ressect the abdominal tumor. Then another round of chemo to mop up. Then begins the next phase of her treatment: 2 months here in isolation as she gets her tandem stem cell transplant. We cannot wrap our minds around that stay but it's coming and it's important. After that will be radiation therapy, antibody therapy, and then oral chemo.

It's ugly but you know what, it's also a blessing. We thought the worst thing imagined was a diagnosis of a malignant cancer such as this. But actually, there are little ones who get a cancer diagnosis that isn't treatable at all. Isn't curable. It happens every day. Yet we sit here watching our little girl have a fighting chance. And fight we will. How is it that even in this awful place in our lives, we can be counted as one of the lucky ones? We have been given a chance. God has given us grace. And we thank him every single day in this journey.