A fresh start for round 3

You know those weekends that you just don't want to end? The ones you want to freeze in time? It was a simple one and usually not even worth a mention. Because all we did was spend time together playing at home, saw some friends and family, enjoyed each other, just low key fun and quality time. It was just one of those weekends that we all usually take for granted and really WE SHOULD. I mean, as parents, yes, we all try to soak up the sweet moments and memory making times with our children. But we shouldn't have to relish every moment where our children are feeling happiness. We shouldn't have to soak up every day we can all be together. Or embrace each day our child feels healthy enough for normal play. No one should have to live their entire lives living in the sweet moments for fear it could all be pulled out from under them. But we are learning that this is our new reality. That the normalcy we use to take for granted is now precious time because as we travel down this road to recovery for Charlotte we just don't know what each day will bring. And we just don't know what this week of round 3 of chemo will bring for our sweet baby girl.

My heart sinks coming here today. I could feel anger and fear, resentment and bitterness, grief and despair. And to say I don't ever feel those things would be a lie. Brian and I feel all of those things but we don't stay there long. There is important work to be done and we cannot wallow in how we wish things could be the way they were. There is healing to be done, children to be loved and made feel secure, a spouse to be there for, information to be learned and understood, hands to be held, tears to be kissed away, bills to be paid, and many prayers to be said. God, what we wouldn't give for our little girl to be healthy again and for all of our children to never have to know this world we have entered. But that is the wrong prayer. Our energy is refocused to shine as much positivity as humanly possible. To give in to the feelings of grief would mean our capacity to help Charlotte and to be a parent and a spouse, would be limited. So, we feel what we need to feel in whatever way we need it, but we do not stay there long. We stand back up and turn our faces toward the sun. We refocus our prayers to encapsulate where we hope Charlotte's treatment will take us. We take baby steps so that we don't miss and over look the small victories that can win the bigger battles that can win the war.

So, today we are beginning round 3 feeling rejuvenated and renewed. We pray that Charlotte's body will tolerate round 3 of chemo and fight along side this new medicine to kill the cancer. That Charlotte's spirit will resist the effects of chemo. We are praying for our medical team to be guided in making the best choices in caring for our baby. And we pray for all of you because your strength and positive encouragement helps to feed us when our own reserves run low. We will keep you updated as this week progresses! Our hopes are to be back home Friday night or Saturday. Here are some snap shots of a weekend just being...