A needed laugh: getting Annmarie'd!
(Written 4/26-27 I'm so behind publishing!) Isn't humor sometimes the best medicine! It's hard to find when you are tired and stressed and worried. But man when we are able to truly laugh, it feels like a huge breeze of fresh air and sunshine washing over us. Charlotte has given us this unbeknownst to her this week. Although all side effects are are expected (such as high fevers, histamine release, nerve pain managed by morphine, low BP, higher heart rate, urine retention, swelling, capillary leaking), one of the more noticeable ones has been Charlotte's mood. The medication she's on makes kids super moody and irritable. It's a balancing act trying to parent her to use nice words and talk kindly while also walking on egg shells because she can hardly control her mood swings.
So, Charlotte doesn't understand that her middle name, Annmarie, is part of her name. She thinks it's a term you use when you are being cross or stern with someone.😆 Maybe I've put my hands on my hips to say "Charlotte Annmarie no ma'am " one too many times?? So, we are getting a lot of "Mommy Annmarie!" Or "Daddy Annmarie!!" behind tears and crying fits that she can't understand😂. And the other night I explained some medicine might make her feel grouchy and that's okay. She heard me but moment later she mommy Annmarie'd me for something (like forgetting to pack something she wanted or maybe I was coloring wrong😆 How could I!?!). She then told me I wasn't her mommy anymore. She crossed her arms and humphed, turning her head to the side with big crocodile tears forming in those little eyes. Moments later she told me medicine makes her grouchy and asked if I still loved her when she's grumpy? My heart melted. I told her of course! Mommy and daddy love her when she's grouchy and when she's happy, when she's crying and when she's laughing, when she's sad and when she's happy. Of course it doesn't matter, we always love her! She nodded in approval with a discerning look on her face. I was back in her good graces again, for the moment haha!
I think we are being sent a special stream of patience and humor from above so we can stay calm and be Charlottestrong along with our baby girl. We have to find ways and reasons to laugh when we can for sure. These days can be hard. Even when we are out patient, Charlotte is not feeling 100% during Immunotherapy period, and that can be taxing. Often, I have periods where I feel like I'm not being the mom I want to be for Taylor and Parker. It's near impossible for me to be everywhere I want to be and need to be these days. I know Brian often gets the end of the day left over tired me as well. But I'm confident in us. We were made to weather all that is being given to us. We were made to be the people and parents we are. We don't always get it right and lord knows there are days I wonder how we will all make it through and what will we "look" like after we come through whatever challenge is in front of us, but I believe we are all learning the real meaning of the word sacrifice. Sure we all
sacrifice in life, especially to our children if we are parents. But the tricky part is, do we sacrifice solely out of obligation and duty, or can we find joy and fulfillment in doing so. This is where I know I struggle. Brian and I believe in every sacrifice we make for our children. They are like an offering and ultimately they do bring us joy. But sometimes, the sacrifices feel heavy and burdensome. This is when I feel low. This is when I wonder what I'm really made of. Internally, when I feel weary after what is most certainly the hardest year of my life, I pray for God to continue to show me the way because I do believe that he is showing me and all of us on this journey the real meaning to life. That in every sacrifice, we are really experiencing life in ways that will be deeper and bring more fulfillment and joy then we could have ever imagined. When I'm at my tiredest, I have to believe this.
So, Charlotte doesn't understand that her middle name, Annmarie, is part of her name. She thinks it's a term you use when you are being cross or stern with someone.😆 Maybe I've put my hands on my hips to say "Charlotte Annmarie no ma'am " one too many times?? So, we are getting a lot of "Mommy Annmarie!" Or "Daddy Annmarie!!" behind tears and crying fits that she can't understand😂. And the other night I explained some medicine might make her feel grouchy and that's okay. She heard me but moment later she mommy Annmarie'd me for something (like forgetting to pack something she wanted or maybe I was coloring wrong😆 How could I!?!). She then told me I wasn't her mommy anymore. She crossed her arms and humphed, turning her head to the side with big crocodile tears forming in those little eyes. Moments later she told me medicine makes her grouchy and asked if I still loved her when she's grumpy? My heart melted. I told her of course! Mommy and daddy love her when she's grouchy and when she's happy, when she's crying and when she's laughing, when she's sad and when she's happy. Of course it doesn't matter, we always love her! She nodded in approval with a discerning look on her face. I was back in her good graces again, for the moment haha!
I think we are being sent a special stream of patience and humor from above so we can stay calm and be Charlottestrong along with our baby girl. We have to find ways and reasons to laugh when we can for sure. These days can be hard. Even when we are out patient, Charlotte is not feeling 100% during Immunotherapy period, and that can be taxing. Often, I have periods where I feel like I'm not being the mom I want to be for Taylor and Parker. It's near impossible for me to be everywhere I want to be and need to be these days. I know Brian often gets the end of the day left over tired me as well. But I'm confident in us. We were made to weather all that is being given to us. We were made to be the people and parents we are. We don't always get it right and lord knows there are days I wonder how we will all make it through and what will we "look" like after we come through whatever challenge is in front of us, but I believe we are all learning the real meaning of the word sacrifice. Sure we all
sacrifice in life, especially to our children if we are parents. But the tricky part is, do we sacrifice solely out of obligation and duty, or can we find joy and fulfillment in doing so. This is where I know I struggle. Brian and I believe in every sacrifice we make for our children. They are like an offering and ultimately they do bring us joy. But sometimes, the sacrifices feel heavy and burdensome. This is when I feel low. This is when I wonder what I'm really made of. Internally, when I feel weary after what is most certainly the hardest year of my life, I pray for God to continue to show me the way because I do believe that he is showing me and all of us on this journey the real meaning to life. That in every sacrifice, we are really experiencing life in ways that will be deeper and bring more fulfillment and joy then we could have ever imagined. When I'm at my tiredest, I have to believe this.
Some peaceful rest
She Annmarie'd me when she asked for her bible and I said I didn't pack it. I got in huge trouble with lots of tears 😂. Then I came across is in her little bucket she packed herself full of the things she told me are the "things that make me smile if I feel yucky." She knew she packed her little bible Santa left in her stocking here in the hospital when she was here in isolation during transplant! So precious
It's so nice to hear that her Bible makes her smiles. That sort of brings tears to my eyes in good way. God Bless our dear little Charlotte! Love the "being Annemaried" She is just so adorable!! Still praying all the time for Charlotte! Love & Hugs, Aunt Debbie
ReplyDeleteYour writing is so inspiring. God is definitely leading your way.
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