Feeling our way
Our cousin Jen Wilson said it best today in a message she sent us. She said she's saying a prayer for us while we are geographically separated right now. It is a geographic separation alone as we keep connecting each day through all the wonderful modern technologies available to us. FaceTime is a god send for sure! I miss my Taylor and Parker so much. For some reason I really miss Brian and kids and home today. I wouldn't think it's because it's Valentine's Day because this is not a huge holiday in our family but maybe that is a part of it. I just miss them. It feels like we've been here for so long and it hasn't even been a week! Charlotte, on the other hand, is happy go lucky and doing wonderfully with all this newness. I think she's handling this better then I am. Tonight, she yanked me up and we had a living room dance party! Her fun loving spirit saves me every time. Another case in point:
I share this video with you below, our amazing village, because I know how much you all genuinely care about our little girl. I know you worry over her, over us all. We are up at sun rise and in the waiting room at 7am sharp. Moments later we are taken to a room for assessments and to prep for radiation. You would never know she is waiting for anesthesia to begin so she can be moved to the table for radiation. Today, for example, she happily skips to the chair and immediately begins making a Valentine with a child life specialist. She's so proud of her valentine and gives everyone some chocolates we brought. She smiles and whispers "shhhh. Don't tell mommy! This is for mommy and daddy", as she makes us this gift. You would think we were anywhere but here. Then we are moved into the room next door for anesthesia. I fight back tears as she starts to quietly cry in the stoic way she has about her because she doesn't like her "eyes to go fuzzy and everything gets dark." I have a hard time letting them take her from my arms and I keep praying this part will get easier on us but I cannot see how that will be. Would it be easier if she were to have a fit because then I'd be in "help" mode? Would it be easier if she were to act out and show anger at starting her morning this way almost every day? I don't know. She's just so sweet and brave. It's a helpless feeling coupled with my over active emotional mommy brain. Strength and fear do a strange dance within me every day. But this child exudes a light that brings the warmth of love, joy and hope everywhere she goes and I realize I am so blessed to be riding along beside her in this life. Our goal, our hopeful destination, is such a small part of this journey.
So I hope this video brings a smile. We all need some light hearted moments like this one to help balance all the worry. She usually wakes from anesthesia this way and makes us all giggle with what she says and does. I finally decided to record a little bit of her loopy self as evidence of her amazing child like innocence and resiliency. I hope it brings her a smile many years down the road as we look back upon this time in our lives. Like I said, Charlotte is handling these mornings much better then her mommy 😂
After radiation, we decided to check out a nearby museum. The Franklin Museum has a reciprocal membership program so we can use our annual family membership at hundreds of science museums, zoos, and aquariums here and in NC! So this place can become a place we frequent while here in Philly!
I share this video with you below, our amazing village, because I know how much you all genuinely care about our little girl. I know you worry over her, over us all. We are up at sun rise and in the waiting room at 7am sharp. Moments later we are taken to a room for assessments and to prep for radiation. You would never know she is waiting for anesthesia to begin so she can be moved to the table for radiation. Today, for example, she happily skips to the chair and immediately begins making a Valentine with a child life specialist. She's so proud of her valentine and gives everyone some chocolates we brought. She smiles and whispers "shhhh. Don't tell mommy! This is for mommy and daddy", as she makes us this gift. You would think we were anywhere but here. Then we are moved into the room next door for anesthesia. I fight back tears as she starts to quietly cry in the stoic way she has about her because she doesn't like her "eyes to go fuzzy and everything gets dark." I have a hard time letting them take her from my arms and I keep praying this part will get easier on us but I cannot see how that will be. Would it be easier if she were to have a fit because then I'd be in "help" mode? Would it be easier if she were to act out and show anger at starting her morning this way almost every day? I don't know. She's just so sweet and brave. It's a helpless feeling coupled with my over active emotional mommy brain. Strength and fear do a strange dance within me every day. But this child exudes a light that brings the warmth of love, joy and hope everywhere she goes and I realize I am so blessed to be riding along beside her in this life. Our goal, our hopeful destination, is such a small part of this journey.
So I hope this video brings a smile. We all need some light hearted moments like this one to help balance all the worry. She usually wakes from anesthesia this way and makes us all giggle with what she says and does. I finally decided to record a little bit of her loopy self as evidence of her amazing child like innocence and resiliency. I hope it brings her a smile many years down the road as we look back upon this time in our lives. Like I said, Charlotte is handling these mornings much better then her mommy 😂
Ya'll it's a crap shoot whether I have the correct food for her to eat when she wakes up! It's hilarious. Twice I scored, once with blueberry muffin and today with this banana. But once I crashed and burned because I didn't have Mac and Cheese at her bed side 😆
After radiation, we decided to check out a nearby museum. The Franklin Museum has a reciprocal membership program so we can use our annual family membership at hundreds of science museums, zoos, and aquariums here and in NC! So this place can become a place we frequent while here in Philly!
Making valentines
So proud
Hot chocolate with my Valentine
Little city girl
Moments before she crawled up into the stroller and under the blanket! Philly in Feb is no joke!
exploring a heart on Valentine's Day❤️
Walking inside the heart
Amazing dinosaur exhibit
Charlotte was all about the medical equipment especially the CT/MRI/X-ray machine. It's her world
It's wonderful to have Doug and Joanne (aka pops and Mimi) so close. We spent last Saturday afternoon and evening with them at their home in NJ!
A few more pics from her first few radiation treatments...like I said, she certainly takes this all in stride and continues to exude a happy go lucky attitude most days.
Wow.....I can't get enough of your updates!! Am glad Pops and Mimi are close by and so happy there is so much to do in Philly. No doubt you 2 peas in a pod will make the most of it. Hang in there Mama you are on the home stretch... Love you.
ReplyDeleteShe is Incredible. She is Awesome
ReplyDeleteAnd the video brings tears to my eyes
Joy Excitement Sadness Expectations
She is three and has the wisdom , the openness, the positivity of one who really understands how life should be.
I am personally Awed and Blessed by every moment I am in her prescence and she makes me smile
PG for Charlotte
Love Her
Pops