A letter from Charlotte: what can't be measured
If Charlotte could write a letter, I think she would say something like this.....well if she wasn't two;)-
I know this medicine is making me better. I can run and play and my body doesn't hurt like it did 6 months ago. I know they can measure this by the tests and scans. I know they can see this. But what they cannot measure is what they cannot see. They cannot see what worked in parallel with this medicine. They cannot measure the love I feel from my family, and the pure joy that is in our home. They cannot measure my determination to BE WITH and keep up with my brother and sister, my drive to grow up with them. They cannot measure the faith my parents have and in their faith there is a trickle down effect that truly works in conjunction with all of this modern medicine. They cannot measure God's presence and his hand in what I have done. So starting today, they will begin many many new "measurements" to help them understand this cancer and my body's response. And I will smile when I am able, cry when I need to, cling to my parents and my mini mouse lovey, and go inside my shell if I need to. But I will rise. I will overcome what this medicine will do to both the cancer and the healthy parts of my body. I can do this because I am Charlotte AnnMarie Reynolds and I do not know how to do anything else. I was made for this path. They can measure and test and discover many answers, but my spirit and perseverance is immeasurable. Thank you for helping my family draw strength so that I may draw strength and positivity from them in return.
A friend and neighbor unknowingly inspired this idea about what can't be measured in a simple and inspiring comment she made to me one day. I reflected on it for several days. Thank you Tracey.
The only way I can describe what it feels like at this moment is this: I feel like we are standing at the edge of a cliff where you can't see whats down in front of you. You know you can't stay where you are because there is danger behind you and it's coming. You just beat it but it is still there. So you have to jump blindly towards the only option you have. And you have to hope and pray there is a soft landing that you cannot see. That the reason you escaped this danger was because you went this way in the first place and so you were guided here by this greater power who is now taking your hand and whispering "jump. just jump. It will be ok."
So today we jump. We jump with faith and confidence but also with fear of the unknown. This next phase of extremely high dose chemo and a stem cell rescue will be extremely hard on our baby girl and her little body. This treatment in itself has some life threatening possibilities both short and long term. God please continue to wrap your arms around her, shielding her from the potential serious dangers and risks associated with this treatment. Hold her close so that she can feel the comfort and serenity when she needs it. Work through Brian and I to help provide this to her and to each other. Let your widsom and strength flow through you to her doctors, nurses, as well as to Brian and I. Help Taylor and Parker feel the security of the loving arms of our family/caregivers surrounding them. Help ease their burdens of worry and separation. Our three babies....they are just babies at 7, 5, and 2. Our hearts breaks that they are going through this. That the care free childhood has been stolen. But they WILL grow up together, and carry what they are learning with them. I pray this will help shape them in ways we never could have so that they become these amazing little people full of gratitude and grit, love and faith.
We signed the consent. Listened as the doctor explained how pleased and amazed he is at where Charlotte is. His words ringing in our ears as he said she is EXACTLY in the right position going into this next phase. His words "no evidence of disease" on her scans validating Charlotte's hard fought victory. And his words telling us Charlotte's truth in that this cancer may not be able to be detected any longer, but research has shown cancer cells are still lingering in places that can be reached by the rest of this protocol. Currently, there is no cure for relapse. We need to kill this now. He believes she can beat this. We need many things to go right coming up, and we thank you for keeping your prayers coming as we approach the edge of this cliff. We may not be able to see, but we are jumping in faith. They cannot measure these other factors that are helping to save our little girl, but we can feel and see that everything has been working in tandem.
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"~Unknown
Damn straight she is. And so are we.
Some pics of her doing her favorite things with some of her favorite people
I know this medicine is making me better. I can run and play and my body doesn't hurt like it did 6 months ago. I know they can measure this by the tests and scans. I know they can see this. But what they cannot measure is what they cannot see. They cannot see what worked in parallel with this medicine. They cannot measure the love I feel from my family, and the pure joy that is in our home. They cannot measure my determination to BE WITH and keep up with my brother and sister, my drive to grow up with them. They cannot measure the faith my parents have and in their faith there is a trickle down effect that truly works in conjunction with all of this modern medicine. They cannot measure God's presence and his hand in what I have done. So starting today, they will begin many many new "measurements" to help them understand this cancer and my body's response. And I will smile when I am able, cry when I need to, cling to my parents and my mini mouse lovey, and go inside my shell if I need to. But I will rise. I will overcome what this medicine will do to both the cancer and the healthy parts of my body. I can do this because I am Charlotte AnnMarie Reynolds and I do not know how to do anything else. I was made for this path. They can measure and test and discover many answers, but my spirit and perseverance is immeasurable. Thank you for helping my family draw strength so that I may draw strength and positivity from them in return.
A friend and neighbor unknowingly inspired this idea about what can't be measured in a simple and inspiring comment she made to me one day. I reflected on it for several days. Thank you Tracey.
The only way I can describe what it feels like at this moment is this: I feel like we are standing at the edge of a cliff where you can't see whats down in front of you. You know you can't stay where you are because there is danger behind you and it's coming. You just beat it but it is still there. So you have to jump blindly towards the only option you have. And you have to hope and pray there is a soft landing that you cannot see. That the reason you escaped this danger was because you went this way in the first place and so you were guided here by this greater power who is now taking your hand and whispering "jump. just jump. It will be ok."
So today we jump. We jump with faith and confidence but also with fear of the unknown. This next phase of extremely high dose chemo and a stem cell rescue will be extremely hard on our baby girl and her little body. This treatment in itself has some life threatening possibilities both short and long term. God please continue to wrap your arms around her, shielding her from the potential serious dangers and risks associated with this treatment. Hold her close so that she can feel the comfort and serenity when she needs it. Work through Brian and I to help provide this to her and to each other. Let your widsom and strength flow through you to her doctors, nurses, as well as to Brian and I. Help Taylor and Parker feel the security of the loving arms of our family/caregivers surrounding them. Help ease their burdens of worry and separation. Our three babies....they are just babies at 7, 5, and 2. Our hearts breaks that they are going through this. That the care free childhood has been stolen. But they WILL grow up together, and carry what they are learning with them. I pray this will help shape them in ways we never could have so that they become these amazing little people full of gratitude and grit, love and faith.
We signed the consent. Listened as the doctor explained how pleased and amazed he is at where Charlotte is. His words ringing in our ears as he said she is EXACTLY in the right position going into this next phase. His words "no evidence of disease" on her scans validating Charlotte's hard fought victory. And his words telling us Charlotte's truth in that this cancer may not be able to be detected any longer, but research has shown cancer cells are still lingering in places that can be reached by the rest of this protocol. Currently, there is no cure for relapse. We need to kill this now. He believes she can beat this. We need many things to go right coming up, and we thank you for keeping your prayers coming as we approach the edge of this cliff. We may not be able to see, but we are jumping in faith. They cannot measure these other factors that are helping to save our little girl, but we can feel and see that everything has been working in tandem.
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"~Unknown
Damn straight she is. And so are we.
Some pics of her doing her favorite things with some of her favorite people
I love her
ReplyDeleteI love them
I love you and Brian
I am praying for Her
ILY
Pops
She would definitely say all of that and then some!! She would also say don't cry mommy and daddy I know it's hard but I'm meant to do this and I can and will do this!!! ....ok so that made me cry just typing it ...we are so proud of all of you and can't wait to see yall at the finish line!!! The lifetimes Charlotte has already lived cannot be measured because it's still going!! You got this Charlotte!! #CharlotteStrong 💖🌈💖💖🌈💖💖🌈💖
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words, as always. She's jumped off so many cliffs already and landed perfectly on her feet. Braver than anyone I have ever known! She will continue to rock this journey and always have the loving arms or her mommy and daddy to fall into (as well as countless others in your family and your ever growing village). #charlottestrong. Fantastic pictures again!
ReplyDelete