The gift of tomorrow

We are lucky. I’m writing this update while watching Charlotte swim. She is so happy swimming. She is taking lessons to improve her swim strokes and learn skills so she can be on a year round swim team. This is her goal. Between cancer and CoVid19, her goals were put on the backburner at times. She has had to miss a lot of tender Kinder and first grade school moments as well as many of her favorite activities. She is not alone of course. So many have paused their own goals or plans because of one thing or another. And COVID has disrupted and complicated everyone’s lives in various ways. We know to count our blessings though...we know well enough to just be GRATEFUL we are all together and happy and healthy TODAY, in this moment in time. And yet, I shamefully admit, I feel like I have started complaining a lot. 

It’s as if I joined some kind of band wagon I didn’t mean to join, absorbing the climate around us all. It is not hard to feel it. There is ALOT of negativity in the world right now. So much so, it’s an eclipse of sorts, creating a shadow that blocks all the light. Even now, all the holidays are approaching and many people cannot be with those they love or do many of the traditional things that bring them joy. We are all on pause it seems. Holding our breaths. Waiting. Confused and torn and overwhelmed. Disconnected. I know there are real stressors at play here that cannot be down played or triviolized. There is a heaviness in the air that suffocates. All of this tries to dampen hope that there is a light at the end of this long and dark tunnel.

I realized I’m not doing what I promised God I would. I promised God every single day that I wouldn't forget what I learned, what He taught me through Charlotte:

Who can say they are exactly where they thought or hoped they would be? The current state of this world has most of us feeling stuck or lost or lonely or stressed or all of the above. Today, I reflected on where we were Dec 1 of last year as compared to Dec 1 of this year. Today, last year, Brian and I nursed our broken hearts while watching Charlotte endure further pain on new treatment, further loss of the childhood we hoped for her. We wondered if the new treatment would help her little body fight and beat cancer once again. We wondered where we would be next year. On this day last year, I was holding her hand and placing ice packs everywhere she asked, holding my breath as we watched the side effects of the intense immunotherapy course through her veins. Today, she curled up beside me to read me Dr. Seus and we belly laughed because she likes to pause with a head beat bob everytime she sees a ... (dot dot dot) trailing after a phrase which cracks me up. And I thought that maybe this is another one of the gifts we were given to share with whoever may need to receive it.  Because it’s the gift of tomorrow. Charlotte has shown us that the sun, the light, the rainbows can come out tomorrow. And like that amazing song from Annie, sometimes we just need to hold on because tomorrow is only a day away. So if you’ve read this far, wherever you are right now, I see you and you’ve got this❤️🌈#charlottestrong #familystrong