While we focus on scans, Charlotte sings
It’s scan week. This is the longest stretch we’ve gone between scans at 4 months since her last scans. She has scans tomorrow and Wednesday with clinic Thursday.
You have been here with us many times. I wish I could say it’s getting easier, but these routine scans are not routine for Brian and I. For us, it means facing her cancer. It means facing our worst fears. For Charlotte, it means she gets poked, gets injected with radioactive tracer, she gets sedated and put to sleep, she has long days at the hospital, she under goes more toxicity, she misses preschool and her class Valentine’s Day activities, she misses her dance class, she misses gymnastics, she comes home with an IV in her arm, she asks questions..so many questions and we revisit her reality again, helping her understand her disease and what she is fighting. Normal, sweet life, interrupted. I guess I could internalize these realizities and feel bitter or burdened or anxious but you all know me by now...I MUST find the positive. Spin it. Maybe that’s God’s presence within me I think. Instead, in an effort to avoid the sickening anxiety Brian and I often feel this week, I can choose to think this way: scan week is another opportunity for us to see that Charlotte’s cancer is still gone! It’s a blessing to be in this season of watching and waiting, off treatment and living life. We can focus on our hopes and prayers that her scans are still clear, there is no evidence of disease, and she will keep going, keep moving!
You have been here with us many times. I wish I could say it’s getting easier, but these routine scans are not routine for Brian and I. For us, it means facing her cancer. It means facing our worst fears. For Charlotte, it means she gets poked, gets injected with radioactive tracer, she gets sedated and put to sleep, she has long days at the hospital, she under goes more toxicity, she misses preschool and her class Valentine’s Day activities, she misses her dance class, she misses gymnastics, she comes home with an IV in her arm, she asks questions..so many questions and we revisit her reality again, helping her understand her disease and what she is fighting. Normal, sweet life, interrupted. I guess I could internalize these realizities and feel bitter or burdened or anxious but you all know me by now...I MUST find the positive. Spin it. Maybe that’s God’s presence within me I think. Instead, in an effort to avoid the sickening anxiety Brian and I often feel this week, I can choose to think this way: scan week is another opportunity for us to see that Charlotte’s cancer is still gone! It’s a blessing to be in this season of watching and waiting, off treatment and living life. We can focus on our hopes and prayers that her scans are still clear, there is no evidence of disease, and she will keep going, keep moving!
She would be shy if she knew I shared this video...working on her arts and crafts the other day, a little cold lingering behind her little voice, the lyrics not quite right but man she has the tune down, music in her soul and the emotion behind the lyrics well felt in her heart. A Million Dreams is a new favorite of hers from the movie The Greatest Showman. We have so many people recently that have been moved by Charlotte, her little spark starting a flame, and have donated generously to special organizations in her honor. And also so many kind people who have tried to help make this week a little brighter for her. I have a big thank you post coming on here very soon, but for now, let’s keep the prayers coming that she has clear scans this week! We should have results Thursday!
❤️🌈
“Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I dream of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
A million dreams of the world we’re gonna make”
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