Starfish

Today, I thought about the Starfish Parable. Most have heard of this story before but just in case here it is:

“One day, an old man was walking along a beach that was littered with thousands of starfish that had been washed ashore, after a storm, by the high tide. As he walked, he came upon a young boy who was eagerly throwing the starfish back into the ocean, one by one.

Puzzled, the man looked at the boy and asked what he was doing. Without looking up from his task, the boy simply replied, “I’m saving these starfish, Sir”.

The old man chuckled aloud, “Son, there are thousands of starfish and only one of you. What difference can you make?”

The boy picked up a starfish, gently tossed it into the water and turning to the man, said, “I made a difference to that one!”

I thought about how this wise parable seems to be left unfinished. What if, after the old man had met that boy, he decided to help him. What if what the boy did and said inspired him? And what if soon others saw and heard and joined them. Then all of the starfish could be saved.

I know acting alone, we can’t necessarily make an impact that can change the world. But of course even one person can make a small difference that could have a ripple effect. What is  the starfish in my life? As Brian and I soul search how we can truly give back and make a difference, I reflect on this. Lately, I feel so restless and antsy and I keep asking God why. Am I suppose to be doing something else right now? Are we suppose to be doing something else? Is it time? If so, what? How? Are there starfish lying there, some how in need, while we are hemming and hawing and debating and considering and reflecting?

I suppose often times taking the first step towards anything can seem a daunting, overwhelming task. Where do we start? There is so much that can be done, where should we focus first? What is the most important? These are hard questions but maybe while we are standing here trying to answer them, starfish are stranded there, waiting, hoping, gasping, dying.

I recently learned that little Nathan, who we met while  Charlotte was undergoing Immunotherapy at Duke and who I have followed via his grandmother, has relapsed. He finished the frontline Neuroblastoma protocol in November. He was just about to start another clinical trial run by Dr. Scholler in Michigan aimed at helping to prevent relapse but before they could start this, it was determined that his cancer had returned. I messaged with his grandmother briefly recently and they are currently back at Duke, back in treatment—starting Chemo hoping to qualify for a relapse trial. So many children. Every day more and more, being diagnosed or rediagnosed. Waiting and hoping like those starfish on the beach. Like those starfish, time is not on their side. But there are people combing the beaches. People who will come upon some of them and help. But not enough people for all of those starfish. 

I know, in my heart, this is where God comes in. Substitute starfish for whatever you personally feel passionate about. I mean there is so much suffering in this world. I speak to pediatric cancer because this is our world and of course Charlotte is our own precious starfish we would do anything to save, rightfully so. But there are so many other kinds of starfish aren’t there. There are so many other important causes that matter in this world. Whatever it may be, I guess I think we all need a starfish to help in some small way with the  knowledge that is can make a difference.

So tomorrow, our own little shaggy haired Parker will be a shavee at the Carolina Hurricanes St. Baldrick Event! He is only 7 years old but he took our hands and learned what it meant and with the donations from so many friends and family as well as so many of Charlotte’s village of prayer warriors, his funds WILL help some children. Somehow, someway. And maybe this event is part of the ripple effect in our own lives. Brian and I are inspired everyday by people we meet and what we are learning, and most certainly, by our own 3 children.

After the St. Baldrick’s Event tomorrow, Charlotte will be honored at the hockey game. She will sound the siren and perhaps if they aren’t too exhausted we can stay to meet the players. Thank you so much for keeping Charlotte close to your hearts this week and for all your prayers as she has 3 long days at Duke beginning tomorrow for assessments that include radioactive tracer injection, sedation for 3 separate scans looking for cancer, an echocardiogram to monitor her little heart that has been worked so hard, IV lab draws to check blood work and chemistries. For us, scans every 3 months, it is old hat but you never never get “use to it.” Nor should she nor anyone. But Brian and I have talked about doing our best to give up our worries to God. We know it’s easier said then done because even as I type this my heart is beating so hard against my chest and it feels like it wants to come out of my stomach. And yet, honestly, Brian and I both have said when we need it most, a quiet calming peace that surpasses all reason washes over us. I know I’m my gut that it is God. He is still with us. I mean how could he not be when we feel like we see pieces of him in our children so often. Even tonight, at tuck in time, why Charlotte asked these questions out of the blue I do not know but I like to think Jesus was sitting there with us. 

Me: “Come on. Tuck in time.” As I pulled up her covers and kneel down next to her

Charlotte: “ Can we sing a Merry Christmas song and then baby Jesus song?”

Me”Ok and then it’s goodnight.”

We sing we wish you a merry Christmas and then away in a manger

Charlotte: “Mommy? Did baby Jesus have a blankee? Was it his lovie like my Mimi?” (She calls her Minnie Mouse tag blanket Mimi)

Me: “yes he did have a blanket he was wrapped in. He was warm and snug and happy.”

Charlotte: “when did he love us? When he grow big?”

Me: “yes he loved us as he grew big but I think he always loved us. He was born to love us.”

Charlotte: “did you know him when he was a baby or when he grew big?”

Me (now trying to determine if this is clever bedtime stalling or if she is coming from an honest place...kids love pillow talk at bedtime don’t they!?!) “ no baby he lived such a long time ago. I never knew him.” Then I paused and thought. “But I think I do now. I think maybe every day I know him more. Jesus lives inside of us now. He’s in heaven but he also lives inside of us and we take him everywhere we go.”

Charlotte, after a few moments of considering this “oh.”

She knows what the next 3 days will be for her. She is afraid. Brian and I are afraid. But I hope she knows Jesus is right there with her because she is carrying him everywhere she goes. And when we need him the most, we feel him too.