Parentology and Putting on the brakes

Sometimes the momentum of life makes us go full steam ahead. And sometimes that’s a very good thing. While perhaps at other times, it’s time to hold the horses. Put on the brakes. Let things “marinate”. Pause to re-evaluate. And that’s exactly what we’ve decided to do for Charlotte and her potential need for hearing aides.

Something didn’t set quite right after our Audiology appointment at Duke last month. We felt like we were being “sold” to. A full page of hearing aid colors complete with sparkles or funky swirly colors were presented to us even before the actual technology or exact support Charlotte would benefit from was discussed. The entire appointment was off putting. So we felt like we were being sold a car, but we also felt something else we couldn’t quite put our finger on. We pushed that feeling aside to revisit and went about our way with beach vacation plans (which I still need to post about!!) and summer fun and then WHAM all of a sudden it was time for her follow up appointment today where we were suppose to select the exact hearing aides and have her ear mold impressions made. We were not ready, but we couldn’t quite figure out why. 

Were we in denial that out girl needed them? Were we just feeling sad that she needs these hearing aides and how permanent a decision that felt? Were we just frustrated because we didn’t feel like we had all the important information we needed to understand her hearing loss or what support she really needs at this point? 

The truth is, we are sad she has moderate to severe high frequency hearing loss. We are emotional about the thought of her needing hearing aids, just like any parent would be in learning their child has hearing loss. We don’t want her to need hearing aids to access clear sounds of speech or music or sounds in nature that aren’t within her hearing range any longer due to chemo damage. We don’t want to remember the damage the treatment could do and has done (Even though we know we are soooo blessed that this of all side effects is the side effect we are currently dealing with.) And we really didn’t have all the pertinent information to make the best decision for Charlotte today, but now we do. And we decided to put on the brakes here for a cotton pickin’ minute.

The good news is our girl has good hearing up until about 2000 hertz and then moderate loss to 3000 hz and then severe. What this means is, she has to work harder to hear crisp language and sounds that are higher pitch such as s,sh,th, f, birds chirping etc. Mostly if there is other background noise and chatter. Everything sounds a little more muffled to Charlotte. Even the best intentioned medical personnel can unknowingly make us as parents feel like we are clueless. After all we don’t hold a degree in pediatric medicine of any kind, or audiology, or speech pathology, or oncology, or radiology, or any ology. There should be such a thing as mom-ology or dad-ology or maybe just parentology. We sell ourselves short as parents sometimes when faced with such big mountains to navigate but we do have some important skills if we listen to ourselves. These are truly God given gifts I believe that settle into our bones the moment we become parents. Actually, I don’t think we even need to be a parent because these bits of wisdom are engrained within all of us and available for access if we listen, or more importantly ask God for help and listen.

So thanks to a special family friend who is an audiologist at CHOP and took her time to speak with me about our  questions and concerns, and a kind and patient audiologist at Duke who actually listened, our questions and concerns were heard today. We have decided to post pone getting Charlotte fitted for hearing aides. We will have her speech evaluated first to be sure she is reaching those milestones and bar anything unforeseen we will most likely follow up with another evaluation again in December. She’ll need hearing evals every 6months or so anyway so this would most likely be the time we go forward and have her try them out in her preschool setting to prepare for Kindergarten (gulp! Kindergarten!!).

So for now, Charlotte will continue having the “BEST SUMMER EVER!”😂 She is happy go lucky and enjoying everything a typical child should enjoy in summer. And let’s just say she is making up for lost time swimming and all things water play! She is so happy you guys. She is making friends. She is growing. She grabbed scissors and cut her bangs and cried when she saw my face when she cut them as asked with the sweetest little face and voice if she “looked like a boy” and the felt better when Brian and I reassured her that all kids do this once but just once😆. She gets to be a normal fun loving, carefree, typical 4 year old! What a gift every day is! And what a gift to be able to watch her love each day like it is the gift it is because it helps us to realize and feel this truth too.